Who took my tarts!
by sebastianX
Summary: Wolfram’s specially ordered strawberry tarts from Shou Shimaron suddenly vanished. Yuri decides to play detective with the help of the rest of the KKM gang. Will they ever find out who took Wolfram’s tarts? Just read.
1. Chapter 1

I know that many KKM fans out there might not approve of having the 'beautiful' wolfram in distress (but I think some might want though…). Anyway, this ff is about how someone stole wolfie-chan's tarts and how everyone gets dragged into this crazy problem of his. Hope you guys enjoy. Please review.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kyo Kara Maoh.

Who took my tarts?!

"Curses!" screamed Wolfram von Bielefeld at the top of his lungs.

Of course, everyone was worried. In a flash, Yuri along with Günter and Conrad rushed to where the noise came from.

"Wolfram, what happened?!" asked the worried Maoh.

"Someone took my freaking tarts!" replied Wolfram.

"What?!" exclaimed Yuri.

"I said, someone took my----"

"Yes. We are fully aware of that." intervened Sir Conrad Weller. "But why did you have to worry all of us?"

"Yes, indeed!" cried Günter. "Your majesty was in a very important meeting and---"

"I don't give a damn about a freaking meeting!" said the fed up prince. "I want to know who the hell took my tarts!"

Yuri, being the pacifist that he was, decided to settle the problem in a more humane and civilized manner.

"Okay. Let's solve this problem without screaming, shall we?" said Yuri. "Let's just stay calm and think about the situation at hand…."

But Wolfram was incredibly enraged at the fact that his beloved and most awaited tarts were lost. He had waited for those delicious and scrumptious strawberry tarts that he ordered especially from Shou Shimaron and now they were gone. All that's left of it was a box that was littered with tart-crumbs.

In short, he was terribly pissed.

"How the hell am I suppose to stay calm if MY tarts suddenly vanished?!" screamed Wolfram.

"Wolfram, I thought I said that we'll solve this problem without screaming at each other?"

"But Yuri---"

"Please stop yelling." ordered the Maoh firmly. "Please?"

"Okay…" replied the blonde prince.

"Now let's solve the mystery of the missing tarts!" said Yuri.

…

How was that for chapter 1? The next chapter's going to be funny. I promise. But if you don't think that it'll be funny, then I'm sorry but I've tried. Please review. Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

Here's chapter 2.

Summary: Wolfram's specially ordered strawberry tarts from Shou Shimaron suddenly vanished. Yuri decides to play detective with the help of the rest of the KKM gang. Will they ever find out who took Wolfram's tarts? Just read.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kyo Kara Maoh.

Chapter 2: Who took my tarts?!

"First, we start looking for the missing tarts!" announced Yuri.

As the Maoh commanded, everyone started searching high and low; in every nook and cranny for Wolfram's tarts. Conrad was checking all the cupboards. Günter was inspecting all the containers in the kitchen. Meanwhile, Yuri decided to interrogate Wolfram himself.

"So Wolfram, where did you place the tarts before they vanished?" he asked the distressed blonde.

"I have never even touched the damn box!" replied Wolfram. "Darascos told me that a package for me had arrived and it was in the kitchen…"

"Then…?"

"I knew immediately that it was the strawberry tarts that I had ordered from Shou Shimaron." said Wolfram.

"And when you arrived in the kitchen, was the package closed or was it already opened like this?" asked Yuri while indicating the opened box.

"The box was already open!" exclaimed Wolfram. "It already looked like that when I arrived."

"So you never touched any of the tarts?" inquired Yuri.

"No!" replied the exasperated Wolfram.

"That could only mean one thing then…" said Conrad, interrupting Yuri's interrogation.

"That Darascos took my beloved tarts!" cried Wolfram. "Off with that lame bald guard's head!"

"Now, now. Let's not be too rash…" said Yuri. "He could just be one of the many possible suspects…"

"Yes…" intervened Günter. "Your Majesty is right. Darascos is simply a prime suspect. For all we know, it could be anyone in the palace…"

"That's right." said Conrad calmly. "Let's interrogate Darascos first before we start concluding things…"

"Okay then…" agreed Wolfram. "But I'm telling you, he looks like the type of guy who would do anything for strawberry tarts."

…

The blonde prince was undeniably merciless on Darascos. He kept asking him questions that scared the living shit out of him. Darascos was practically having a nervous breakdown. And by the time Wolfram asked him the last and final question, he looked like he was about to wet his pants.

"Why don't you just admit that you took my damn tarts!" said Wolfram, grabbing the frightened Darascos by the shoulders and shaking him senseless.

"Wolfram, let's not be too intense about this…" said Conrad, who was taking pity on poor Darascos.

"Well, how the hell are we supposed to crack him open if we go nice on him?" said Wolfram.

"Let me handle this…" said Günter.

Conrad and Wolfram simply looked on as Günter approached Darascos.

"Will he be able to get Darascos to fess up?" asked Yuri in a whisper.

"I guess so…" Conrad whispered back. "Unless it was not he who stole Wolfram's tarts…"

"I still think he took my tarts…" whispered Wolfram loudly. "And I think we're wasting our time. Let's just punish him right this instant!"

…

Well that's chapter 2. I need some suggestions on how I should carry out the next chapters. Please review and give suggestions. The funnier, the better. No wait. Scratch that. The crazier, the better.


	3. Chapter 3

After some much needed mental rest, I managed to finish chapter 3. I do hope you guys like chapter 3. Please review afterwards. (By the way, this is the last chapter which is why this chapter is quite long. I'm quite busy and am unable to have "me-times" :P)

Disclaimer: I do not own Kyo Kara Maoh.

…

"It was not him." said Günter.

"What the hell?" Wolfram was undeniably infuriated. He was certain that the bald-headed Darascos was the one who stole his tarts. Apparently, he was dead wrong.

"How did you manage to find out, Günter?" asked Yuri.

"It was very simple actually…" Günter replied with a wide grin on his face. "You just had to be really nice to him."

Everyone's jaws dropped. Then silence ensued. Conrad was the first one to speak.

"I'm sorry. I think I didn't hear you just now…" said Conrad.

Unlike Conrad, Wolfram was more impulsive.

"What the fudge are you talking about?" said the angry and equally baffled Wolfram.

Günter kept smiling. "When you're nice to someone, they tend to open up to you…"

"And how the hell is that suppose to be connected to what's going on?" asked Wolfram.

The lavender-haired noble ignored the blonde bishounen and continued talking.

"Did you know that Darascos actually feels terribly insecure about his baldness?" informed Günter.

Wolfram just about had it. He was beyond his limit. To put it simply, he was totally and utterly pissed.

"I don't give a damn about his hair problems!" yelled the blonde prince.

"Now, now Wolf---"but Yuri was cut off by Wolfram's rants.

"I want my damn tarts! I want to know the idiot who took them!" cried Wolfram.

"What the hell is going on in here?"

"Gwendal!"

It seems that Gwendal von Voltaire was extremely disturbed by the ruckus caused by Wolfram's increasing irritation. He was busy doing some paper work that Yuri should have been doing. The stress plus his already ill-temper was pushing him to the limit.

"I was asking why the hell was everyone making so much noise?" he asked.

"Wolfram lost his tarts and he's really upset about it." replied Yuri.

"So you were making such a commotion over some tarts?" said the totally pissed Gwendal.

"They weren't just any tarts…" said Wolfram, his voice suddenly quieting down to a whisper.

"Wolfram?" Yuri felt sorry for Wolfram even if the situation they were in was totally ridiculous.

"They were the best damn tarts in the whole universe!" said the now emotional blonde prince. And in his current emotional state, he starts making a dramatic tart-related speech.

"Those decadent Shou Shimaron strawberry tarts are the rarest of all tarts! They are made from the finest ingredients. The flour used for those tarts were especially made to create tarts that were ideally crunchy on the outside and soft and moist on the inside. The milk that was use was the freshest. And lastly, the strawberries that were chosen were the most perfect strawberries in the land!"

Wolfram was practically breathless.

"Are you finish, Wolfram?" asked Gwendal.

Wolfram answered him by mumbling something under his breath.

"Look, can't we just solve this problem without getting mad at each other?" suggested the ever- so kind Maoh.

"Yes, I totally agree…" answered Conrad.

"Oh! Your majesty is just amazingly level-headed and cool." squealed Günter. "He is undeniably the best!"

"Can we please get back to the matter at hand?" Wolfram may have been silenced but he was still pretty upset about the lost of his tarts.

"Well okey-dokey then!" said Yuri. "Let's start interrogating the people around Blood Pledge Castle and finally find who it was who stole Wolfram's tarts!"

"You can continue your little detective thing but under one condition…" said Gwendal.

"What is it?"

"Can you keep it down?"

…

"There was a huge mess in the hall and Lady Cecilie asked us if we could clean it up…" said the palace maids.

"I was in the hall the whole time since I was doing some flower-arranging…" said Cecilie von Spitzweg.

"Lady Anissina and I were making a new invention…" said Greta.

"I was busy creating my latest invention, the catch-butterflies-and-fireflies-for-Greta-kun…" said Anissina.

…

They interrogated practically everybody in the palace and it appeared as if all their alibis checked out.

"It looks like nobody took your tarts Wolfram…" said Conrad.

"But that can't be possible!" cried the blonde prince. "There must be someone that we forgot to ask in this palace…"

"You're right Wolfram!" exclaimed Yuri. The Maoh immediately dashed off while the rest followed suit.

"Where the hell are we going, Yuri?" asked Wolfram.

"Oh, your majesty must have come up with a splendid idea to find out where the tarts are!" said Günter. "Isn't he just brilliant?"

"But Günter, we don't know what your highness has in mind yet…" intervened Conrad.

"I know. But whatever it is, I'm certain that it's something good!" replied the lavender-haired noble.

"We're here!" exclaimed Yuri.

"The Original King's Palace?" said Wolfram.

"Yup!" said Yuri.

"I see." said Conrad. "There are two people who are capable of taking the tarts. It's either the Great One or Your eminence himself…"

"I told you that your majesty had a brilliant idea." said Günter.

…

"Okay, which one of you took my precious tarts?" asked Wolfram.

Murata and Shinou were both incredibly shocked as well as baffled. They were having a little chat right before Wolfram barged in and started accusing them of things.s

"What the heck are you talking about Prince Wolfram?" asked Murata.

"Don't play dumb with me Great Sage…" said the infuriated blonde bishounen. "You took my beloved tarts!"

"Calm down Wolfram!" admonished Conrad.

"Wolfram, let's hear his alibi first…" suggested Yuri.

"Your majesty is so calm and cool!" squealed Günter.

Yuri turned to Murata.

"Where were you this morning, Murata?" asked Yuri.

"I was here all morning talking to Ulrike…" Murata answered.

"Yes he was…" Ulrike suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

"Then that leaves you!" said Wolfram, pointing to Shinou accusingly.

"Hey, hey. " said Shinou. "I would never steal your tarts."

"Why?" asked Wolfram menacingly.

"Because I'm allergic to strawberries!" explained Shinou.

…

"I'm stuck." said Yuri. "I don't know anymore…"

"Yeah, I give up…" said the tired Conrad.

"We interrogated practically everyone in the entire palace and we still haven't found a real suspect…" said a very disappointed Günter.

But Wolfram didn't want to give up. He was sure that someone took his tarts. It was impossible that his tarts would suddenly vanish into thin air.

"So you guys are just going to give up?" asked the angry blonde.

"Well, Wolfram we really tried…" answered Conrad.

"Wait!" Yuri suddenly exclaimed.

"What is it your highness?" asked Günter."

"I think I know who stole Wolfram's tarts."

…

"You stole Wolfram's tarts!" Yuri exclaimed while pointing at Shinou.

"I told you, I did not steal his tarts!" retaliated the former King.

"Yes you did."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"No I didn't."

"Let's just here what proof Yuri has, okay?" intervened Murata who was very much irritated by the childish argument.

"Shinou is lying!" accused Yuri.

"What proof do you have?" challenged Shinou.

"You immediately assumed that the kind of tarts that were stolen were strawberry tarts even if we did not mention what kind of tarts they were…" said Yuri with a wide grin.

"Your majesty is right!" said Günter gleefully. "He is so smart!"

Yuri wasn't finish. "You said that you were allergic to strawberries even if we didn't tell you that the stolen tarts were strawberry-flavored."

Shinou was cornered.

"What can you say for yourself, Shinou?"

Shinou was unable to say anything. Wolfram did not have a care in the world if he was beating up a former king. He was a man who was true to his word. And as he promised, he started beating up the thief who stole his beloved tarts.

…

"I think I'm in paradise…" said Wolfram who was munching happily on his new strawberry tarts.

"So, are you happy now Wolfram?" asked Yuri.

"Of course!" he replied. "Who wouldn't be happy with these mouthwatering creations?"

Yuri simply chuckled.

'_Guess we solved the mystery of the missing tarts…'_

…

So how was that? Please tell me what you guys think. Review! I sure do hope that I didn't suck that much.


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